Children Who Died as Newborns Are Often Remembered as Family Members

Aim: Perinatal loss is rare in high-income countries. In Danish neonatology, the psychosocial approach to neonatal care has been to acknowledge the personhood of the newborn infant with the goal of enabling grief and healing. However, one question is how the family lives with the memory of a child they hardly had time to know.

Method: Mothers of 40 newborn infants who died in hospital more than 15 years ago were invited. Five couples, seven mothers, and one father were interviewed. The focus was on the remembrance of the child and the significance of the death for the life of the parents. Recorded interviews were analysed thematically.

Results: Most children died within days. The children were regarded as family members. Physical tokens and birthdays played a central role in remembrance practices. Although the process of grief was described as long and painful, it was also described as an existential experience and a source of better priorities in life.

Conclusion: After 15 years, the dead newborn child was still considered a family member. There was little expression of regret about what happened at the time. Due to the low response rate, it is possible that diverging lived experiences may be common.